In order to move forward in life, we need to know two things: where we are and where we want to go. Often, people are lying about where they are start­ing and delu­sional about where they want to go. When we lie about where we are, we stay in denial, and even the best instruc­tions are met with frus­tra­tion. When we are delu­sional about where we want to go, we either don’t move because we think stay­ing comfort­able is safer, or we seek things that won’t fulfill us.

This is the reason many, includ­ing myself, have spent years “progress­ing” with­out actu­ally going anywhere.

I remem­ber when I was broke and home­less in Los Angeles, think­ing I had it all figured out, yet frus­trated that noth­ing was work­ing. Spent years “climb­ing” with­out ever getting my head above water. I was trying to “make it” to prove my bril­liance and how worthy of love I was to the world… so that maybe people would want to be my client or friend or lover if they knew I was impor­tant.

Where I was start­ing was the lie that claimed I needed to prove some­thing or earn my lovabil­ity, and my hubris of how “circum­stances shouldn’t be this way given what I know”.

Where I wanted to go was the delu­sion that “making it” would some­how prove my worthi­ness, and how that had to look in order for me to be vali­dated.

It’s a special kind of insan­ity that kept me in a loop of suffer­ing and confu­sion. I see a lot of people trying to “be success­ful” for reasons completely unre­lated to their “desti­na­tions”. They are miser­able, and some don’t even know it.

The only way out of this is to want to know the truth, then observe honestly and get proper feed­back, and then make new choices.

All systems require accu­rate feed­back loops in order to adjust and main­tain home­osta­sis. When we are miss­ing (or using corrupt) feed­back mech­a­nisms, our results are skewed. Without a ther­mome­ter, we can’t tell the temper­a­ture. With an uncal­i­brated one, we get the wrong temper­a­ture. Without context for degrees, even the most accu­rate read­ings mean noth­ing.

Successfully manag­ing busi­ness, emotions, rela­tion­ships, and beliefs require the same.

For this feed­back, we tend to ask the worst people—those clos­est to us. Unfortunately, almost all of the people we know best give us horri­ble feed­back, even the ones that support us. They’re simply not accu­rate or useful at best, and dishon­est or incor­rect at worst.

Some will try to hold you back and ques­tion your abil­i­ties, keep­ing you small like them. While others will tell you how wonder­ful your work is to avoid offend­ing you, when you really need feed­back to improve your craft. Some have agen­das, and others no inter­est in your best inter­est.

It’s incred­i­bly rare to find people that give useful infor­ma­tion about who you are and how you’re show­ing up in the world, espe­cially when you rely on your default social circle. It’s one of the reasons I’ve created this series and the commu­nity around it.

But outside feed­back is only half of the equa­tion.

How honest we are with ourselves is crucial. Our ego is amaz­ing at fool­ing us into illu­sion, so we must be dili­gent. When we justify, we block. When we defend, we block. When we argue or blame, we block. When we block, we inhibit our expan­sion and remain comfort­able. The ego does every­thing it can, includ­ing anni­hi­lat­ing you, to not be anni­hi­lated by truth.

It’s as insane as it sounds.

This is why it’s hard to be honest with ourselves; our ego is afraid of being destroyed, think­ing loving feed­back is a real threat. And it is—to the lies of ego. But it is actu­ally the key of liber­a­tion to our own prison.

How do we give, and receive, unfil­tered obser­va­tions about ourselves and others? About creative pursuits, busi­ness results, and rela­tion­ship dynam­ics?

It is undoubt­edly a challenge—taking prac­tice, compas­sion, and dedi­ca­tion. We are up against their and our own lineage of trauma, story, and limi­ta­tion. These stories filter our percep­tions and color our projec­tions. We think our mean­ings are true and our beliefs are facts.

Without an aware­ness that these “facts” are not true for every­one, and that a more empow­er­ing world­view may be avail­able, we remain victims—trapped in that story of “that’s just how things are”. Without real­iz­ing that we may not be show­ing up how we think we are, or that the results we want aren’t what’s reflected in the phys­i­cal world around us, we are likely to live in a fantasy.

Your abil­ity to discern these beliefs and stories from real­ity is the secret to unlock­ing every­thing you want in life, and turn­ing fantasy into real­ity. To observe the thoughts, actions, and feel­ings that no longer serve you—then recog­niz­ing you have the choice to expe­ri­ence life differ­ently.

It requires an entirely new way of seeing the world and ourselves.

It demands you give up a fantasy life for the truth. You have to be will­ing to consider every­thing you think about how the world works is not true. You have to let go of the limits and suffer­ing you cling to for dear life. You have to be will­ing to hear all the things you don’t want to hear—to see those things in the world and your­self, with­out judg­ment.

I under­stand this is radi­cal.

This is why it’s impor­tant to have a commu­nity of people dedi­cated to truth, success, and heal­ing. We need to be called out when we’re full of it. We need to be cele­brated and affirmed when we’re shin­ing bril­liantly. We need accu­rate reflec­tions that mirror back how we’re appear­ing in the world. We need perspec­tives unfil­tered by our own limi­ta­tions and mean­ings.

When you observe it in another and can speak the truth with­out judg­ment or attack, it not only moves them forward, but you as well. As we help others, we help ourselves. When you don’t share an honest obser­va­tion with some­one, it doesn’t protect them, it only holds them back.

When you can receive the infor­ma­tion with­out taking it person­ally or defend­ing, it no longer runs you, and you become free to make a new choice. If you defend or justify, noth­ing new can take hold and you remain stuck.

The more we tell the truth about where we are and where we want to be, the better the envi­ron­ment can serve us and provide what’s needed to move forward.

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