In order to move forward in life, we need to know two things: where we are and where we want to go. Often, people are lying about where they are starting and delusional about where they want to go. When we lie about where we are, we stay in denial, and even the best instructions are met with frustration. When we are delusional about where we want to go, we either don’t move because we think staying comfortable is safer, or we seek things that won’t fulfill us.
This is the reason many, including myself, have spent years “progressing” without actually going anywhere.
I remember when I was broke and homeless in Los Angeles, thinking I had it all figured out, yet frustrated that nothing was working. Spent years “climbing” without ever getting my head above water. I was trying to “make it” to prove my brilliance and how worthy of love I was to the world… so that maybe people would want to be my client or friend or lover if they knew I was important.
Where I was starting was the lie that claimed I needed to prove something or earn my lovability, and my hubris of how “circumstances shouldn’t be this way given what I know”.
Where I wanted to go was the delusion that “making it” would somehow prove my worthiness, and how that had to look in order for me to be validated.
It’s a special kind of insanity that kept me in a loop of suffering and confusion. I see a lot of people trying to “be successful” for reasons completely unrelated to their “destinations”. They are miserable, and some don’t even know it.
The only way out of this is to want to know the truth, then observe honestly and get proper feedback, and then make new choices.
All systems require accurate feedback loops in order to adjust and maintain homeostasis. When we are missing (or using corrupt) feedback mechanisms, our results are skewed. Without a thermometer, we can’t tell the temperature. With an uncalibrated one, we get the wrong temperature. Without context for degrees, even the most accurate readings mean nothing.
Successfully managing business, emotions, relationships, and beliefs require the same.
For this feedback, we tend to ask the worst people—those closest to us. Unfortunately, almost all of the people we know best give us horrible feedback, even the ones that support us. They’re simply not accurate or useful at best, and dishonest or incorrect at worst.
Some will try to hold you back and question your abilities, keeping you small like them. While others will tell you how wonderful your work is to avoid offending you, when you really need feedback to improve your craft. Some have agendas, and others no interest in your best interest.
It’s incredibly rare to find people that give useful information about who you are and how you’re showing up in the world, especially when you rely on your default social circle. It’s one of the reasons I’ve created this series and the community around it.
But outside feedback is only half of the equation.
How honest we are with ourselves is crucial. Our ego is amazing at fooling us into illusion, so we must be diligent. When we justify, we block. When we defend, we block. When we argue or blame, we block. When we block, we inhibit our expansion and remain comfortable. The ego does everything it can, including annihilating you, to not be annihilated by truth.
It’s as insane as it sounds.
This is why it’s hard to be honest with ourselves; our ego is afraid of being destroyed, thinking loving feedback is a real threat. And it is—to the lies of ego. But it is actually the key of liberation to our own prison.
How do we give, and receive, unfiltered observations about ourselves and others? About creative pursuits, business results, and relationship dynamics?
It is undoubtedly a challenge—taking practice, compassion, and dedication. We are up against their and our own lineage of trauma, story, and limitation. These stories filter our perceptions and color our projections. We think our meanings are true and our beliefs are facts.
Without an awareness that these “facts” are not true for everyone, and that a more empowering worldview may be available, we remain victims—trapped in that story of “that’s just how things are”. Without realizing that we may not be showing up how we think we are, or that the results we want aren’t what’s reflected in the physical world around us, we are likely to live in a fantasy.
Your ability to discern these beliefs and stories from reality is the secret to unlocking everything you want in life, and turning fantasy into reality. To observe the thoughts, actions, and feelings that no longer serve you—then recognizing you have the choice to experience life differently.
It requires an entirely new way of seeing the world and ourselves.
It demands you give up a fantasy life for the truth. You have to be willing to consider everything you think about how the world works is not true. You have to let go of the limits and suffering you cling to for dear life. You have to be willing to hear all the things you don’t want to hear—to see those things in the world and yourself, without judgment.
I understand this is radical.
This is why it’s important to have a community of people dedicated to truth, success, and healing. We need to be called out when we’re full of it. We need to be celebrated and affirmed when we’re shining brilliantly. We need accurate reflections that mirror back how we’re appearing in the world. We need perspectives unfiltered by our own limitations and meanings.
When you observe it in another and can speak the truth without judgment or attack, it not only moves them forward, but you as well. As we help others, we help ourselves. When you don’t share an honest observation with someone, it doesn’t protect them, it only holds them back.
When you can receive the information without taking it personally or defending, it no longer runs you, and you become free to make a new choice. If you defend or justify, nothing new can take hold and you remain stuck.
The more we tell the truth about where we are and where we want to be, the better the environment can serve us and provide what’s needed to move forward.
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